I FINALLY FUCKING GOT LAID. HOLY SHIT. There's a lot to it. I appreciate when people read my long blogs, but you don't haaaaave to read it XD.

For a while now my boyfriend and I have been behaving more like a couple married for 10 years rather than a newly forming relationship. It started with little things, like not kissing or hugging to flat out not having sex. When I asked him about it he said "you need take the lead more." I tried that didn't work, he knows I'm a pretty submissive person, that kind of thing is way out of my comfort zone but I tried anyway. Because I love him. his next excuse was that "Sometimes I just like I'm not in the mood, but I really am you have to learn when to know what that is." I was like whaaaaat WHAAAAT HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. But again I let it go and tried my best, You can imagine by this point I was feeling pretty sexually unattractive and his lack of general affection towards me made me feel even worse. The issues arising in our relationship were more than just sexual, it was things like his kisses turning into quick pecks never with any passion nothing had ANY feeling, the straw that broke the camels back is when i was laying on his bed watching him play video games. I don't mind this I like games too, I've never been the type of "He plays games allll daaaaay and has no timeee forrr meee boo hoo." kinda girl, But this particular day he played game after game after game I was getting bored. He would turn to me in say "Wow your bored." and would continue to play, I tried to get him into bed with me and he blatantly said "No," not the usually awww maybe later baby... What really got me is when he said... "I've played this game a million times I don't even like it but I guess I'll just play it." In my head I thought I'M RIGHT HERE, CAN WE TALK, PLAY A COOP GAME, CUDDLE, FUCK, BAKE COOKIES, DO SOMETHING WITH ME??? He later told me that my desire for sex was insatiable. Yeah we haven't had sex in weeks and for that I had no right to be sexually frustrated.

I left that day, he decided to feel bad about it when I was leaving and one thing I know about Walter, it's cheesy but his eyes say everything. He had genuine sadness in his eyes, and I guess he knew he had upset me in someway, but he didn't know what he was doing.

Now after that we had not talked for 2 weeks. His internet or some shit, which brings me today I go to his house, I didn't get a hug, or I missed you, or how have you been. I just couldn't stand it I tearfully told him how I felt, and he was seriously oblivious, he apologized profusely and HE actually cried, weirds me out when that happens. After we had a long productive talk we were back to ourselves it felt great. During the laughing and the joking I said "Can we have sex now?" he grinned i grinned we had amazing sex and are back on track, I understand him and understands me. He really is a good guy he just needs to stop sleeping when I come over XD.

So sweet. So cold. So fair.

I love cab calloway. I SWEAR TO GOD.

I will never get sick of his creepy soulful sound. His slick ass hair. His smooth ass dancing and his general coolness.

Stressfull.

=[ He should just marry me now, Since we've already stopped having sex. *badump-chh*

But seriously I read this today and thought to myself MOTHER OF MERCY! I'm in a emotional deprived mar-relationship.

1. Couples have stopped talking and sharing their daily events and happenings. Communication has decreased and silence has developed.

2. Couples have stopped touching and feeling each other with genuine desire. Little to no intimate interaction is happening between the couple to keep passion alive.

3. Husbands and wives have stopped kissing with intensity. Giving spouse’s quick pecks has taken over kissing with passion, love and feelings.

4. Couples desire and fire for each other has deteriorated. Instead couples grow into disconnected, loveless marriage from dead sexual interest.

5. Spouses are not listening to their mate. When a spouse is not listening, sighs of frustration, depression and body language will certainly become present from the lacking spouse. These few signs are evidence of unhappiness and emotionally hurting.

6. Husbands and wives feel their own responsibilities are greater then their mates responsibilities. As a result, one spouse is left feeling unappreciated.

7. Husband and wives are meeting independently to attend the same functions instead of taking an extra few minutes to meet in their driveway and ride together as a couple.



Lulz we're like an old crabby married couple now.

What do I do now?

A Lesson in rhythm and sould pt 2

Ras Choco: I seent dat video you recorded an' i say, you need a little more soul in it though. We need to find more examples of soul

xDennyMonsterx: Clean pastures has a song called I GOT SOUL for sale, it is a piece of the rhyvvumic history that has been over looked by us.

Ras Choco: Ooooh ooh whoops D:

Ras Choco: you gotta link?

xDennyMonsterx: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UyJ42v-N-I Sad thing is that WE'VE SEEN THIS

Ras Choco: werd, we completely disreguarded soul

xDennyMonsterx: At the start of the song, they are chanting rhytvum and goes on to be mostly about SOUL

Ras Choco: dag
Ras Choco: didn't even notice

xDennyMonsterx: lol

Ras Choco: rhythm in your soul.
Ras Choco: we need to conduct further studies
Ras Choco: maybe rhythm and soul in modern history

xDennyMonsterx: IF rhythm is in ones soul.....That means... it is in fact soul that is the producer of rhythm thus making it the most importtant.

Ras Choco: Exactly

xDennyMonsterx: Right.

Ras Choco: So, if I compare this to Pokemon TCG, you need soul energies to even enable rhyvvum

xDennyMonsterx: Yes! So when african americans say YOU GOTTA HAVE SOUL. They mean it quite literally.

Ras Choco: Yes, yes. I suppose so!

xDennyMonsterx: BY GOD WE'VE FOUND IT!

Ras Choco: So you need soul to enable rhyvvum, and rhyvvum controls all else. So without rhyvvum, or soul, a black person can't do anything, as seen in Scrub Me Mama With A Boogie Beat.

xDennyMonsterx: Yes, scrub me mama is the most important example of what happens without both rhtym AND soul. Tragic.

Ras Choco: Quite.

xDennyMonsterx: I hate you.

Ras Choco: you're a bitch

The birthday Blog.

My wishlist. for my bday 10/21/90

The Nikon D40.


I don't know much about camera's I really want a sort of novice slr camera, and after reading around I think this would be my best bet. Doesn't seem too complicated.

Price tag. $495.99

This left 4 dead skull hoodie that I adore.


Price tag 39.95

wow thats it... What a pathetic list =/

I pretty much just want new clothes.

A lesson in Rhythum and Soul.

Rhyvvum=Rhythm

xDennyMonsterx: Question.

xDennyMonsterx: Soul-Rhyvvum?

Ras Choco: soul-rhyvvum?

xDennyMonsterx: mhmm

Ras Choco: what about it

xDennyMonsterx: black peopel always have SOUL

Ras Choco: true dat

Ras Choco: so, do you have to have soul to have rhyvvum, or the other way around? what is rhyvvum in comparison to things like shooting craps or raising dickens?
xDennyMonsterx: Yeha thats what i'm trying to figgure out now..

Ras Choco: Rhyvvum seems to play a larger role historically,whereas nowadays it's very important that black people have soul

xDennyMonsterx: LOL

xDennyMonsterx: I HATE YOU SO MUCH

Ras Choco: WHAT YOU KNOW IT'S TRUEEEE

Ras Choco: Actually, now that I think about it!!

Ras Choco: In order for black people to pass on rhyvvum, they say "you gotta have SOUL"
Ras Choco: Therefore, I think that soul controls all else

xDennyMonsterx: I concur.

Ras Choco: fuck us

I love NYAF

I can't believe I had more fun Sunday than Saturday. Since I'm writing this so late I don't remember enough for a detailed account, see VQ's post for details XD. I was really sad a lot of the time cause I couldn't make the impulse buys I wanted to, but it was fun enough for me to not mind. I dunno I just love being around Anime fans...Being at NYAF for three days is like being a different world, where everyone knows what your talking about, everyone is laughing what your laughing about people like what you like. It's like a 3 day piece of paradise where Ichigo can be black if he wants, or inyuasha can be that fat kid wearing the same costume as last year, It doesn't matter!

Now for some pics



I fucking LOVE LOUIS.



SERIOUSLY I LOVE LOUIS. He even had some pilllzzzzz



May not be the most amazing Bridget but I had to show loooove.



Sarah and I. I couldn't afford my cosplay so I was just a shitty cat.



For da lulz





Btw I'm making a new myspace. Yup.

Letssss jusssst stop! Drop everythaaaaang

Forget eachotherssss namesss. And just walk awaaaaaaaaaay.

It could beeeeee like we never knew eachother AT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.
-chiodos

If you wanted to know ^^^^ that is pretty much what happend with Juan and I. I don't feel like writing essay about the end of us.


Since it's been a while since I posted, and there is a lot going on I'm gonna chop this up by category. Read what you want skip what you don't give a damn about.


Financial Shit

So things in my life are looking up. I still don't have a job, but we're not getting forclosed on....yet. So now I have a stable living enviorment and the constant feeling of worry I have been feeling because of the "I don't wanna be homeless." thing is over. I can sleep again, that sounds weird but all the stress from the impending forclosure keeps me up for days on end. So I'm always yawning and knocking out in inappropriate places( sorry sarah lol )I'm still broke, but knowing where I'm gonna lay my head for now is peace enough for me to not stress the money thing as much.

Baby Brother Shit

I got a new baby brother, he is hardcore.





Ericson Luna July.23rd.2009.<3


NYAF SHIT!
I can't fucking wait for NYAF I can't believe its been a whole year. I can't wait to see uncle yo I love him. Hopefully sarah and I can get our thuper thsecret costumes done in time, with time for alterations if its needed. boop I cant wait.




Boyfriend Shit.
I got a new bf, His name is Walter. He is chubby. He is a tech geek. He pisses me off. He obliterates my loneliness. He makes me wanna punch him. He is everything I want.

Well he isnt the funniest guy... But I have enough humor for us both.

Did I mention he speaks english?

I mean he IS Dominican and everyone knows I have that platano feverrrrr.


Plus he is super romantical~

Is this all there is?

Constant struggle is that all we have? Is this all i have to look forward to? Is this it? This is the "real," world?

It's fucking shitty. And it's pissing me off.

Through all this muck and dirt, my shiny badge of optimism is being tarnished and is barley even visible at all anymore.




Emo post is emo.

Fuck.

All I wanna do is help, and there is nothing I can do. It is the most awful feeling. Right guy, wrong time.

Nothing I can do for him, nothing at all.

:(

News flash: I'm a dumbass/terrible person.

If you read mt blogs enough that means you know or can guess why Im a terrible person.

God damnnnnnnnn

I never has so much sexual tension with a dude in my life, I think its easier to just do it and viola no more tension. But I'm doing this waiting thing, and Walter is the last guy I would expect to be in this situation with. But I don't think I can hang out with him alone if im supposed to wait a while for the sex part, public hangouts only. fuck fuck fuck, this is crazzzzzy. In class today after he dropped me off I felt like I was gonna cry lol so I just went to sleep in class. I'm supposed to chill with him alone on friday wish me luck~

How?

How do you achieve male friends without them liking you? Every time I have had a potential friendship with a guy it always comes to -Relationship or gtfo- CANT I JUST HAVE A GUY FRIEND FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE?

I like the guy I met yesterday, but whether I would like him as friend or something else remains to be seen, why say you like me so soon? Now I feel pressured to date him I know its possible for guys and girls to be friends, but apparently not for me. I seriously don't feel like dating right now after Juan. But this guy is super cool and I want to see where the friendship goes, I hate feeling like I HAVE to see him in a Romantic light, fuck it if he doesnt wanna just be my friend thats just peachy.

Smile

I know what to let go of, I know the things that are unreachable, I know the shallow wants I had.

Closure had provided me with a smile so big, a feeling so content I just wanna spread my happiness to everyone.

Nothing beats knowing when to just let go, and going with it peacefully, not painfully.

11.14.08-7.12.09<3

teen movie friday-saturday

So after I met up with sarah and came home my friend Julio from highschool IM'd me cuz he now lives a block away from me so we're now local hang buddies, but anyway. I told him "I wont walk you past fordham plaza I don't like meeting new people, and I'm terrified of meeting new guys." "Nah just come with." So I went, met up with his friends one was this skinny Nazi wannabe named willie, and a black guy forgot his name coulda been rob. We all hung out in fordham plaza for hoursss laughing and talking about video games at around 3 AM I got tired, Julio bought me some kennedy fired chicken<3 Then we went to his house where he was like "wanna meet up with a friend of mine?" I was like sure why not? So we walked to tremont, we waited on a bench in front of the d I feel kinda asleep on julio lol, then walter came and here is where the adventure really begins.

Walter is a chocolate man, with large eyes I thought he was black but he was dominican, at 1st I thought he was very mater o fact, and kind of a douche bag very stuffy and stiff. Well he is still stiff but not any of the other things. We sat he stood there and we talked for a bit, just laughing and being goofy, walter makes me laugh alot. We then went to a bodega, one weird thing is everything I wanted was bought for me no matter how much I protested. Julio got us all beers and we had to chug, I lost, then we just kept walking, a few times I didnt know quite where I was we ended up at a park chug contest again I lost. By this time it was full on daylight,julio wanted some platano con salami so we went to a resturant got him his fix and went back to him house, went home got changed and came back to his house. Julio got tired so I went with walter to his house which we walked to, which was on the other side of the concourse, the whole time we walked we really clicked I never get so used to guys that fast, so much so when I told him I was shy he didnt believe me. We pretty much just fought, I called him a punkhe called me difficult, then I would pretend to agree with him sounding really hurt. I thought whats this feeling? this is the feeling of having a conversation with a guy and sharing what you have in common, not just joking around. With juan I forgot that feeling we talked about everything from anime to how I think one day technology will just be implanted in us and how I think robot human hybrids would be awesome lol. We get to his he has a small but cozy room I make myself comfortable right away, he shows me his sims 3.

**note** I forgot to mention what he a computer wizz and is a game modder mod the sims 2 one of the largest sim modification sites he is a modder for, so I have actualy downloaded some of his things. now I met him.**note**

Then we get down to buisness I beat him a good 7 times with ZANGIEF FOR THE CRUSH. I crush u 4 russia.

I told him about juan and he said "I'm actually jealous of him, he has an amazing beautiful girl and he fucked it up." which would usually my que to leave but instead i fell asleep untill he woke me up and got me general tso's with mushrooms.

I ended up with him in and out of sleep untill 8 got home and went straight to bed

It was fun me n walter have so far made plans to get wasted(again) go hookah and go to china town n play ddr

Dancing Fagz

If you decided you wanna play ddr at the same time I am, don't be a douche and change the options like a dick and make me lose. Don't.

I had a nice day with the Sarah today, met up with her at 1 something and we took the 1. It was a pretty fast ride which was good, we got off at 14th street and the japs have turned st marks into little japan, pretty azn boyz. I need to try that new ramen shop looks yummy. Anyway walked from st marks to china town, had a total of 15 dumplings XD. Played DDR I have gotten better from not playing at all lol. Two of the scenest black people I have ever seen, the guy had a badly bleached afro XD girl had shorts cut so short I could see her vagina, and her hair was like WHOA, but they were pretty friendly the guy was nice even though I failed like every song. Then this fag decides ruing my game would be swell :( I'm too broke to play one song cause dicks wanna fuck shit up. After we were done we left and we were pretty fucking tired, by the time we were at the mall looking at trinkets and what not my body was shot, too much walking and such. Me and sarah parted ways she took the 1 I took the 4 got home at 8 and had a swell ol time.

boring post, but i already wrote it so I'm gonna post it.

I wanted a large chested awkward anime figurine :)

FUCK.

WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF GOD DAMN, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OVER YOU AND LIVE LIFE WHEN YOUR SUCH A DICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKK, HOP OFF!!!! FFFFFFFFFF-

IMing me talking shit, your making me feel like a fool, if your gonna be a DICK stop this shiiiiiiiiiiiit

CHIQUI RACING... says:
holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
deniseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
mi amorrrrrrrrrr
belllaaaaaaaaaaaadepapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


CHIQUI RACING... says:
siiiii
te amooooo
de niseeee
I be there next week babyyyyyyyy

CHIQUI RACING... says:
siii
yeahhhh
l wanna be there babyyy

CUT THAT SHIT OUT, WHAT KIND OF DUMBASS DO I LOOK LIKE? IM SO FUCKING HEATED RIGHT NOW FUCK OFF WITH THAT NOISE. ALL OF THE SHIT YOU SAID JUST NOW WTFFFF WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS, I STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOU FUCK WITH ME.

Seriously fuck ouuuuuuut of hereeeeee, When I see you I'm going to fucking kick you in the fucking nutssssss.

Don't just IM me like everything is fucking PEACHY with that i miss you babyyy i need you lindaaaa te kero mamiii linda de papiiii BULLSHIT.

"No puedo vivir sin ti mamiiii."


EAT A DICK. Empty words, from an empty little man. Next time you wanna IM me from DR when your fucking some other bitch do me a favor AND FUCK THE FUCK OFF. And try any of that cute broken English shit and I'll break your face.

Now I'm gonna have a good strong drink.

As much as I'm trying to fight it, you still have my heart. It still belongs to you even though im fighting to make it my own again. FUUUUCK MY LIFEEE right now, I know everyone must be getting sick of this doom and gloom blogging I got going on but its really only been a week and a half. Gotta let it out till its all gone.

i miss getting laid 9(ish) times a week.

I really do.

FML.

Other than that sleep time at 1:30 since i literally skip sleep altogether sometimes I found this blog worthy.

Night night

Most of the "Juan is a big fat liar." pain is gone, with only a few pangs of jealousy and even smaller bouts of rage. Maybe I'm so good at closing my eyes and refusing to see the world, it actually worked this time. I feel no pain really, some sadness. I think should see a shrink to deal with the sad, empty feeling I have been having since about 11th grade when I stopped going to school and stopped caring about everything. I don't think a shrink will help, but its like a means to an end I guess. But yeah, against my will I'm awaiting Juan's arrival, last week I was awaiting it in a sort of "YOU BUMB ASS TRIFLIN ASS NIGGA LEMME TELL U SUMTHIN..." And now its kinda like "Oh..Juan's coming home in 9 days? Maybe we'll make up and go to the beach." "Oh its only a few days away now, what should I wear when I see him?" "Oh should I fuck him now or make him wait?" People think I'm stupid, maybe I am. But if its not worth fighting for you never really loved it from the start. I very way just let him go but it wouldnt be for me. It would be to save face, so people don't look down on me for taking him back. I can't help that I don't hate him, I don't know why it hardly hurts at all now, I dunno why I'm looking back so fondly on us and not looking back on the things that upset me. I don't know what it is about him. His charm, his good looks, the laughs we have, but really I think its the way he hugs me, when he looks in my eyes and all I see is love, that he looks out for me,he protects me. maybe he is just a smooth talker, until he comes home all I have is maybe. At least I'm not waiting in pain.

It would be lovely to turn back time though. If I stay or if I go, things wont be the same.

Love is a crazy thing, sounds cliche but it really does make your actions warped, your thinking warped, your ability to rationalize warped.

i want a summer romance, just someone to make me forget all about the miserable BULLSHIT that is my life currently. Maybe I'll get a guy that speaks English this time. Maybe it will grow to a relationship, maybe not, I don't care I just want fun, and love.

In other news, my real boyfriend Tim Heidecker is now skinny, so 1st seth rogen loses weight , now tim heidecker, then my ex lies his dick off all day.

hamburgers and hotdogs would be nice.

God.

You know I love you, I love taking the 4 because its the train you take to work, I love listening to aventura because it reminds me of you, I love aquaduct park because that's where we make out when its nice outside. I threw out the umbrella you gave me that day when it started pouring, and I was cold and had no coat, I was only wearing a tank top and shorts. I cant look at my big ol sack of condoms, because I won't be using them wit you. I can't look at those pants you love me in, I can't think of my mothers baby shower, I remember when I gave you a hard-on and you tried to hide it and failed. I cant step near the church or, Mcdonalds, white castles, kennedy's. I cant think about coney Island because I wanted to take you for your 1st time. I'll never get to look into your loving brown eyes and trust you again, I'll never be able to give you the soft kisses you love, I cant hear "diablo mami cono, te kero mucho." I cant think about you without wanting to cry,no matter how hard I try I love you, this hurts so bad, it hurt me so bad. i cried so hard my mother thought someone died. I havent stopped crying, I havent stopped thinking about you. This blogs make no sense. I can barely think of my life without you in it since you came into it so suddenly.

But why, what other girl fucks you 5 days a week 4 times a day?
what other girl, gives you head 30 minutes straight no breaks?
I treat you like a fucking king and you took me for granted.
What other girl goes out of her way to make sure your happy.
What other girl loves you and your flaws so much, she doesnt try to change you.
Why did you make me feel like you loved me, if I would have known it was just sex from the start, I would have been ok with that I would not have been made a fool.
I don't hate you I would love to hate you, I want you, I want you so bad.
I put you and your needs before myself and my own EVERYTIME.

This really me just sorting my feelings about you, not a real blog with a cohesive flow, its jumbled its whats comming out of my head while I think of you.

When it comes down to it, do I still want to be with you?YES Do I have the strength to deny you? probably not. Will I have sex with you? I hope I don't give you the satisfaction. No matter how hard I try you're not my ex yet, It isnt done yet, the score remains unsettled. I do know that I can forgive, but never forget your cheating, It will haunt me untill I cut you out of my life. You come home in 2 weeks, I knew this vacation would break us. You let that happen. I was here lone;y, HORNY and I waited I WAITED and you couldnt do that for me. Why IM me while your there while your with her, and tell me I'm yours, only yours. Why tell me that I belong to you, why tell me that your only thinking of me. Why. WHY SPOUT BULLSHIT I do not get why you just leak bullshit. What do you want from me? Why do you need me when you have that better looking girl, that girl that speaks spanish the girl thats everything I'm not you have her why have me to? Why claim me as your own as though you've put a tag on my ear? Why are you so set on having me? what do I offer what do I have. I make no sense. You broke everything that we had. I'll never trust you again.

God I wanna fuck you, I want to hold you, I want you to treat me like you always do, with so much love and care like I'm a doll. I love you chiqui, I won't stop loving you anytime soon. Someone makes this right again. I miss your mane of hair i wanna put my fingers in it, I wanna smell your colonge you always smell great. Your so hot. You want me back. You told me you loved me today. You called me baby today. Why are you making this so hard?

Deniseeeee says:
bye baby
CHIQUI RACING... says:
te kerooooo
lindaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Deniseeeee says:<3


I dont wanna leave. I wanna stay with you. I wish we could.

C.R.E.A.M

Growing up the way I did, the "unlimited," spending limit I always had, That part of my life is over. I understand and accept that. I'm a simple girl I don't need much, a ceiling over my head food and internet is pretty much all I need. Where I live, how pretty or ugly the area does not affect me, I adapt to my surroundings better than anyone you will care to know. But I have never known what it is to literally to be flat broke, to literally just having no more than 5 bucks in a week. I can't buy clothes, once my metrocard expires I will barely be able to travel. I can't run around the city like I used to, I can barley get from riverdale ave to 231st street. I don't want to rely on my mother for money she doesn't have, I don't want to buy clothes from unique anymore, I don't want to go to my grandma's 3 times a week to eat anymore. I don't want my new brother to live this way. I want him to get what he wants like I did when I was a kid. I feel trapped in the financial situation and I can't get out, there is no way out of it. I apply for jobs all day, craigslist is almost always open in my browser and its just not happening.

I start class on the 6th and I have 2 pairs of sandals, 1 pair of flats, 1 pair of shorts, 2 pairs of tights, 3 shirts, and a dress. And I'm gonna have to make that work for the rest of the summer. I just want out, I feel so desperate and there is really nothing I can do for my family, my brother on the way or myself. I'll have to pay Devon's bf back for the harry potter ticket and thats going to break my bank until the next week. But it was something that I needed I need at least one care free day.

I dream about money, I think about it all day, I stare longingly at the cash box in check out lines, I fantasize about work, I think back to the days where I used to pay for everyone if they needed so we could all have a good time. Now everyone pays for me. I apply to every store I see. Why is nothing working.

I feel so trapped.

AND

I wanna fucking have an awesome drunken summer experiance that I have trouble remembering.

Lately I have been having really intimate dreams about other guys, specifically guys I have crushes on that never went anywhere. It always involves me kissing or getting somewhere with a guy, then he suddenly picks up in leaves like the pizza rape one. I'm not complaining its a HUGE step up from nightmares, but it kinda makes me feel bad that I'm enjoying them lol. Other than that, its really annoying to me for him to leave his phone and laptop here so he has no way to contact me. And 'm horny as hell, bah if someone could just take care of that aspect for me, that would be lovely, but lol the world doesn't work that way, just gotta wait it out I guess.

Totaly unrelated I really need a job, really realllllllllly need a job, it isnt even funny, I'm so broke that i dont even have a clever saying to describe how broke I am. Seriously NOT FUN. There are alot of things I need to do for the summer that mean a lot to me, and I can't afford any of it at this point. Yeah its late so this blog is not following any cohesive. pattern.

Tired as fuck, but I havent been updating as much XD. peaceee.

weirdness

Ok so amongst the crop of insufferable nightmares I deal with on a regular basis last night or today whatever... I had a dream that someone I know was making scary sexual advances , and being all kids of lewd I would run he would give chase,then the guy in the dream tried to make a rape....but it all stopped cuz we forgot about the pizza we orded and wenback to pick it up. =( seriously weird dream, even stranger is that I was a little turned on when I woke up, so rape and pizza is key to a romantic night with denise I guess.

back to the drawing board

Tnow that my boy troubles are resolved i can back to writing about the other stuff i have meant to write. it is 3 months til nyaf and I am really excited, I have come up with a super cool theme outfit for Saturday, imy outfit sarahs and jennifers outfit will all have a matching theme, so with only 3 months to go I have start buying fabric, accesories and making the dress. Its gonna be hard work nd will take a good chunk of my time but I think making a garment yourself is worth it, you get to admire your own work and watch it grow from some cloth and pins to something amazing, so my nyaf Saturday outfit will be my 1st real stab at a dress and not just cutting things up to change its shape.... I'm nervous but with the help of my friends and seamstress gramma, I think ill be fine

Super exited.

Pardon the shitty speling and grammar I'm writing this on the train XD

I went and made a top 10

My sexiest song list cuz Devon's only had 2!

1. Digital Love- Daft Punk

2. Noche De Sexo- aventura/wisin y yandel

3.NERD Lapdance(lounge mix) some DJ I don't know.

4.Bed-J.Holiday(lame yeah I know but I think its a sexy song >:[ )

5. Interpol-Narc.

6.Iggy pop & the stooges- I wanna be your dog.

7. Dj Flex- Te Quiero

8. Death Cab 4 Cutie- I will posses your heart(I don't know why I like these obsessive stalker like lyrics =/ )

9.Lady with the fan- Cab Calloway.

10. Blink 182- All of this.

11. Biggie ft Lil kim- Get Money.

12. pa k lo pases bien- Arc Angel

13. Frikitona- Plan B

14. Happines is a warm gun- Across the Universe Version.

15.Teaches of Peaches-Peaches.

I just noticed why I never write lists...Cuz I fail at them, there are sexier songs in my book but when I have to list shit, the stuff I wanna put down gets blocked off and I can't remember D:

"Frankly I'm a bit concerned about her constant career changes. This week it's dentist, last week it was pet doctor, the week before teacher Barbie. I think you see my dilemma here."-Ken


"My greatest concern regarding Ken is one word"Commitment. I mean, we've been dating for 35 years now and nothing ever seems to change."-Barbie

Convo with Devon and I.

xDennyMonsterx (2:29:54 AM): I think mostly everyone will find someone even if it is broken and dysfunctional like some older couples are.

xDennyMonsterx (2:30:02 AM): Most people will have someone I think.

xDennyMonsterx (2:30:09 AM): like crack head couples.

cretiiin (2:30:12 AM): LOL.

cretiiin (2:30:17 AM): Yo I fucking adore you.


If crack head couples can stick it out through all their rock smoking adventures, then there is hope for the average person to find if not love, companionship. Of course we all are born and will die alone but I don't really think we're meant to live a life of solitude, we can't truly be happy alone.

So.

I did the baby shower thang this weekend...And thank god its over, like really thank god XD It was fun but it was alot of planning and work. I actually don't feel like writing about but I'm post a blog about so everyone knows it happend XD

Whore: Break down of a word.

I don't believe in the word whore.

Yeah that's the whole blog.

New summer, new me?

Weight Loss

So I have been going hard at the gym , and overall improving my eating habits for about a month and a half and i think the results are starting to show.

Some pics of me a few months ago.




Pics from today.









I look like ballsack today so yeah coverd my face.

But any I think there is some difference in the way i lookz.

Fashion =O

I'm thinking of not only basing my blog on myself, but on fashion and make-up. I'm currently trying to learn how to form clothes and I'm currently infatuated with a few different sub cultures, namely Lolita and 50's pin up/rockabilly. Yesterday i was fiddling around with my hair and made a kinda 50's do maybe I'll put a tutorial up about it. its not very good though XD.










^Just a little bang detail, ignore my messy room^

I dunno I did it better last night but have no photos of it :(

Tommorow i will post a himegyaru hair style, and friday I'll post lolita hair complete with minihat.